How to Discover What You Really Want (and Why)

When is the last time you sat down and asked yourself, “What do I REALLY want out of my life?”

I’ve been thinking about and having a lot of conversations around that topic lately. For myself and with my clients.

I’m a big believer in women dreaming big AND making sure those dreams actually align with who we are and what we genuinely want. So much is possible for us when we believe we’re worthy of what we want and we boldly pursue it.

And because of that, it’s worth choosing wisely.  

William Carey once said, "I'm not afraid of failure. I'm afraid of succeeding at things that don't matter."

I love that quote because it reminds me that success in itself isn’t enough. It has to matter to me and in order for me to know what matters, I have to tune out a lot of the noise in our culture and tune in to what I value.

I’ll be the first to admit, I get cloudy on this myself sometimes. I want a lot out of life. There are some days where I feel like I literally want everything. If my life were a movie the theme song would be Queen’s “I want it all” (and I want it now). Preach, Freddie.

The more inner work I’ve done, I’ve come to realize that hidden deep inside my ambition for certain things, is a deep desire to feel enough. 

Ambition and drive can be strengths, leading us to accomplishing incredible things in life, but like most things, there can be a shadow side to them too. If we aren’t intentional about the things we’re chasing and the life we’re creating for ourselves, we may end up at a destination that’s neither fulfilling nor aligned.

On a conscious level, we might “know” we’re enough. We might even feel more confident in who we are than ever before. Yet subconsciously there are often deeply rooted beliefs and fears that say otherwise.

That disconnect is why we deal with things like self-sabotage, imposter syndrome, and procrastination.

Consciously we know that if we tie our enoughness - or our worth - to our accomplishments, that we are sending ourselves down a path of disappointment. Yet, we unconsciously do it still. We accomplish something only to move to the next thing, or even worse, we feel a sense of the post accomplishment blues.

When our sense of enoughness is based in our accomplishments the bar always moves.

I’m currently exploring how to integrate a healthy sense of ambition AND embodying enoughness. Not so we can deny our natural drive and settle for mediocrity, but so we can roll up our sleeves and intentionally work towards things that truly fulfill us.

When we can own our enoughness exactly where we are on our journey, we’re better able to stay curious, intuitive, and creative. This also allows us to experience and enjoy each accomplishment for exactly what it is.

Here are a few ways I’m working on integrating my enoughness with my ambition:

Do the Inner Work

If you want to get in touch with your enoughness and worth, it takes leaning in and doing the inner work. This means, becoming aware of the stories you’re playing over and over in your mind about who you are and the world around you. 

It also looks like revisiting past events that would cause you to question your enoughness. This could be big or small events that would’ve caused you to feel less than. Journal out what happened and what you needed in that moment. What would you go back and tell your younger self? What lesson can you take from that event so you can move forward with your enoughness?

Getting to know your shadow, the dark side of our personality, can also be a really important part of the inner work. When we begin to accept ourselves for who we are - even the parts we deem unacceptable - it allows us to have a sense of wholeness. 

The good news is you’re already enough. That’s not something you have to earn, despite how hard we sometimes try, and leaning in and doing the inner work will also help you with the next point...

Tune In to What You Really Want

It can be tricky to discern what you really want versus what your ego wants because of how convincing our ego’s can be. Mine sure is at least. What helps me decipher is visualization and journaling. When we visualize we tap into our subconscious mind and let out conscious one shill out. It might be surprising what comes up when you visualize what success means to you.

If you’ve bought Master Your Mindset, try this with the Defining Success visualization and see what comes up. 

If you haven’t and want to really dive into the inner work, click here to get your copy. 

Then, I’d encourage you to write out what you think you want right now. Hold it loosely as you ask yourself, “Why do I want this specific thing?”

After you write out your answer, ask, “Why do I want that?”

Then, ask why again.

And again.

And again.

And then one more time.

If you have no idea what you want exactly, that’s okay! Ask, “What lights me up?” and “If I could design my life, what would my ideal day look like?”

Get back in touch with who you were at 8 years old. What did you like then? What would make them proud of you now? Getting clear on what you really want can take time and trial and correction, so give yourself grace and time with this one.

Express Gratitude for Everything You Have Now

By now most of us know the power of gratitude. It can absolutely change your life when you choose to focus on all the good you have around you right now. I like making my gratitude list at the end of the day. It helps me end the day in a positive state and feel really appreciative for exactly where I am in life. 

When you’re writing out what you’re grateful for, try to be specific and don’t forget to include some things about yourself in there too! I also like to add future things I’m really craving in my life and want to receive.

This helps build my belief that who I am and where I am is enough right now and that the big dreams I have for my future are absolutely possible.

Mind Your Information Intake

One thing that’s really helped me is being intentional with the information I’m taking in throughout the day. This goes for social media (more on that topic next week), things I watch and listen to, etc. 

We are bombarded with so many messages throughout the day, many of which are telling us who we “should” be and what we “should'' want in order to belong. And while some of that can be inspiring, it can also make it harder to tune into what we authentically want.

So while you’re taking in information, pay attention to how it makes you feel. Do you read a quote or post and all of a sudden feel less than enough UNLESS you change something about you? It might be a good idea to limit that type of content.

Focus on what’s important to you and what aligns with your values. Fill your mind and feed with messages that support and encourage that and see if you notice a shift in your energy and state throughout the day.

I hope you will embody your enoughness and own the dreams you have for your life with belief and confidence. Visualize what that would look and feel like for you this week, and remember, you are capable and deserving of living a fulfilling and meaningful life.

If you’re ready to get clear on who you are and what you really want, click here and download the free 21-Day Higher Self Guided Journal.

I’m rooting for you!