3 ways to Create a Healthy Relationship with Social Media

Most people, when thinking about their ideal day, don’t start it out by mindlessly scrolling on social media for 20+ minutes. Yet, and I’m guilty here too, so many of us get into the habit of doing just that. In fact, on average people spend almost 2 hours on social media per day. And if you have an iPhone and want to be accountable for your time, check your screen time app. It’ll bring you down to earth real quick.

Anytime I get stuck on something, I can feel the temptation to distract myself using social media. When I’m writing (like right now), I basically have to put my phone away - out of sight out of mind - so I can stay focused.

I was talking with a client who had just come back from the beach with her family, where she took a break and hardly even had her phone with her the entire time. She said, “I felt so amazing. I had so much clarity and energy. I want more of that!”

I’ve been there too. Anytime I take space away from social media and my phone in general, I find myself feeling more connected, more fulfilled, and even more free. My outlook on life shifts in a healthy way, and I’m reminded of who I am and how I truly want to live.

I’ll be the first to admit, I’ve had days when I feel so overwhelmed and uninspired with social media that I’ve thought, “I wonder if it’s possible to have a successful online business and make an impact without using social media at all…” Like maybe I could be the “Hitch” of coaching or something.

I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve had conversations with clients about this topic. How do we successfully run online businesses and not let social media take up too much space in our lives? For many of us, it’s not social media that’s the issue. It’s our relationship with it. That’s what we’re diving into today.

I’m curious, how would you describe your current relationship with social media?

Is it healthy and fun? Overwhelming? Neutral? Maybe it feels slightly soul sucking? I’ve experienced all of those at one point or another.

There are of course quite a few benefits to social media. Like many of you, I run an online business. It’s taken me years to get to where I am now, with a schedule full of amazing clients and totally location free. And I built this business from the comfort of my own home. I have an immense amount of gratitude for being able to do that.

I’ve also gotten to connect with people all over the world. I likely connected with you because of it and that’s definitely a plus in my book. I actually met one of my closest friends through Instagram. And even though we both live in Nashville, I’m not sure our paths would have crossed without social media.

I also enjoy some of the inspiration I see there. I’ve found incredible artists, authors, and other professionals that truly have added value to my life. Since the beginning of my journey online, that has also been what I hope to do for others too.

On the other hand, I see and feel the negatives. It sometimes feels like an alternate universe, where we get an inside view of millions of people’s highlight reels, and whatever version of themselves they decide to project to the world. That’s a lot of information and energy to take in.

It can also feel like a new species of the age old rat race. A constant game where the rules change rapidly. I’m not a major fan of rules. I personally don’t like feeling like I HAVE to post specific things. It turns this into another thing to mark off the to-do list rather than a way to engage my creativity.

Social media isn’t going anywhere. And I’m really thankful for that. So how can we create a healthy relationship with these tools so we can experience the benefits AND still feel grounded and connected in our actual lives?

I’m still figuring this one out, but here are the things I’m doing to help me as I move forward:

1. Share and Consume what you really want. 

One thing that helps me whenever I'm feeling burned out on social media is asking myself, “How can I make this more fun?” What do I WANT to share? What kind of posts do I enjoy seeing?

There are so many “rules” as to how to use social media, and this makes the whole process feel like a drudgery for me. So when I start feeling like it’s just another thing to check off the box, I’ll throw out the rules and go back to the basics.

I’ll ask myself, “How can I make this fun again?” What do I actually WANT to share? If I were having coffee with someone, what would I want them to know?”

If you like to write long posts (raises hand), you write those posts. If you love a messy feed and posting whatever in the moment, do that. If you love silly reels, have at it. 

In your perfect world how would you want to use social media? What would you want to share? 

Make sure your own feed and who you follow lifts you up. When you scroll, does it make you feel better or worse about who you are and where you are in life? 

While it’s always worth looking at things we envy and discovering what that’s trying to tell us, it’s not helpful or productive to fill your feed with things that make you feel terrible, like you’re not enough, or behind in some way. Sometimes that means unfollowing people or muting them so you can maintain your own energy.

Do an audit. Curate that experience for yourself like you’d curate your home decor. If it doesn’t bring you joy, throw it out.

2. Create Boundaries. 

The reason I wanted to become a coach in the first place was to work with women and help them overcome their biggest blocks and reach important goals. Social media, while part of my work, is not my job. My coaching clients will always be my top priority. 

I’ve also recognized that I actually prefer writing in longer form. So I’ve created some boundaries that help me honor that. Moving forward I’ll be prioritizing my email newsletters and this blog more. That’s where I really love connecting with and serving my community. 

For a long time, I focused mostly on social media. While I’ll still be there, I’ll be shifting how I use it. I’ve given myself time limits on social media so I can stay accountable each day.

Another priority I’m intentionally focusing on is being present for my life and the people in front of me. Actually taking the weekends totally off is something I’m working to implement. Which means I’m going to have to become a time management ninja and focus on my tasks throughout the week. I’m planning on only using social media during specific times of the day in order to accomplish that (with time limits and everything).

3. Put More Energy into Your life off the app

I think social media has become an incredible escape. You can literally create an alternate life if you wanted. A fantastic way to escape the discomfort of reality, but a dangerous way to spend your life. 

Your life isn’t social media. Mine certainly isn’t. There’s so much you would never know about me just by being on my social media (very scorpio of me isn’t it ;)) and that is okay. Social media is merely a snapshot. Your life is much more interesting and important to fit into social media alone.

Get used to paying attention to how you feel. Decide what’s most important to you in your life and prioritize those things. Be present. Try a new hobby. If the average person spends 2 hours a DAY on social media. That’s 30 entire days out of the year.

Even if you cut that number in half, imagine what you could do with all that time. How would you rather spend that time? Make a list and go do it. Because when you look back on your life, I hope you have countless amounts of memories doing the things that brought you joy and spending time with people you loved.

I bet it won't be, “Ah I should’ve posted another reel.”