How to Detach Your Worth from Your Work

Have you ever found yourself attaching your worth to your work? 

I know I certainly have. I got this question from one of the women in my LILU mastermind last week, “How do you actively detach your worth from your work?”

We see messages all the time about owning your worth and not tying it to things outside of yourself, but how do we actually DO that?

It’s a gift when you get to do work that lights you up, feels purposeful, and aligns with your passion. It makes a huge difference when you truly enjoy your work and the clients you serve.

Myself and the women I work with are incredibly dedicated to serving our people well. We want to see them win and it motivates us to show up and do our best. It’s incredibly rewarding.

It also makes attaching your worth to your work much more tempting. There’s nothing wrong with getting satisfaction out of doing your job well, but when you begin attaching your worth to other peoples’ outcomes, you’re playing a very dangerous game.

Part of showing up fully and living your life in an intentional way is being able to stand in your worth. You are inherently worthy and there’s nothing you can do to change that. So when you attach your worth to your work, you’re limiting yourself in massive ways.

When your worth is attached to your work, your productivity, or other people’s opinions of you, you risk making decisions that aren’t in your best interest, and choosing things that don’t align with your values.

It’s imperative that we pay attention to this, so we can live our lives intentionally and show up fully. There’s so much freedom and possibility in how we approach life when we’re able to stand in our worth regardless of our outcomes or circumstances.

Detaching my worth from my work is something I have to work on consistently (any other enneagram 3’s out there?). I wish there was a magical way to “fix” this tendency. I haven’t quite found that - you’ll be the first to know if I do - but I have found a few ways that help me keep my worth fully intact regardless of my work:

1. Get to know who you are outside of your work.

I meet so many incredibly dynamic women who are multi passionate and talented. Somewhere along the way many of us are told we have to “pick one thing” if we want to be successful. So we do and sometimes we shut off other parts or passions. This is true for me at least. 

I remember about 6 years ago coming to the realization that everything I did related to my work. I was uninspired and was craving something different. I wanted a way to express myself and my creativity that didn’t “move the needle.” 

I made a list of things that I might find interesting and chose one to try: photography. I loved it. I actually almost made a total career change to pursue it (very entrepreneurial of me 😂) because I enjoyed it so much. Thankfully, I learned that I didn’t have to turn everything I enjoy into a business, and now it’s one of my favorite ways to connect with and express myself outside of my work.

What do you enjoy doing outside of your work? What lights you up? What fills you up? Making time for this is so important and can even help you become more productive and creative in your actual job. Spend some time engaging in something you love that has nothing to do with your work.

2. Get connected spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically outside of your work. 

When was the last time you felt really connected? We all have important universal needs, and if you’re only focused on one (finding purpose in your work) it’s likely you’ll feel a disconnect in other areas. This past year has been particularly challenging when it comes to connection - especially physically.

Do an audit of how connected you feel spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically. If faith is important to you, when was the last time you really prayed or worshipped? Prioritize spending some time filling yourself up in that way.

When was the last time you really got in touch with how you’re feeling emotionally? What’s coming up for you lately? Our emotions are powerful data. Their job is to communicate what needs are or aren’t being met, and they help us process our experiences. There are so many ways to numb and drown out our emotions - busyness being a big one. Sit down and feel your feels to see what you’re really needing lately.

When was the last time you learned something new? Maybe it’s time to pick up a new hobby or dive into an online course about a topic you’re interested in. Our brains need exercise just like our bodies do, and allowing yourself to be a beginner and learn new things can be an energizing experience.

How connected do you feel physically? Are you moving your body regularly? Even simply spending time outside can help us feel more connected. How can you connect with people you love and care about who fill you up? Take some time and think about ways you can connect on a physical level to yourself and others. We need connection in order to thrive, and while we may need to be creative with how that looks right now, it’s worth making the effort.

3. Put ownership in its proper place.

This is a balance of showing up and doing your best and surrendering the outcomes. You own your efforts, how you show up, and the way you take action. When you know your worth and you do your best, you’re able to look at your successes and failures as information and feedback.

What you don’t own are how other people perceive you, how others feel, or how they take action. If you care more than your clients do about their results, that’s a major problem. It’s so empowering when we keep ownership in its proper place.

When you show up and do your best, and you allow your clients to own their own efforts you’ll find that it empowers them to take action and show up. This also allows them to fully own their wins and their failures, so they can apply what they learned and continue moving forward, and you get the pleasure of impacting them along their journey.

No matter how much you love what you do and who you serve, remember there’s more to YOU and your life than your work.

You are enough. You are worthy. When you truly believe those things on a subconscious level, showing up fully will be fun and empowering. The fulfillment that comes from living your life in alignment with who you are and what you value is a hard feeling to beat.

What’s one thing that brings you joy outside of your work?