Which of These Two Mindsets Are You Living by?
During a coaching session recently, my client said, “I don't understand why I have this block around ‘effort.’ Like if I have to try hard at something, or if it doesn't go perfectly the first time, then I feel like a failure and it makes me want to stop.”
Hearing her say that took me back in time a bit, and I don't know about you, but I'm not naturally a huge fan of doing things I'm not immediately good at.
The women I work with are high performers in a variety of ways. They've accomplished some amazing things, yet still feel increased resistance and fear whenever they're about to embark on a new project or idea. In fact, one of the most common questions I get is “How do I navigate the fear and anxiety that comes with entrepreneurship?”
Thankfully, this is something we can absolutely shift.
Growing up, many of us were conditioned for a fixed mindset. We were encouraged to get the “A”, win the game, be the best, etc. We were often celebrated, validated, and noticed because of our results and outcomes. While there may be some good that can come from this, the patterns of behavior and approval can also create an unconscious story that in order to receive love or belong, we have to perform and be the “best.”
Underneath a fixed mindset is the belief that your abilities, creativity, and intelligence are inherent. That what you're “born” with is what you're stuck with, and the only way to prove that you are smart and capable enough is to strive for success and avoid failure.
And that serves us well when we're measured against fixed standards, like school and sport. But once you're an adult and step into entrepreneurship, a space with limitless opportunities and no single way to “win”, a fixed mindset will do more harm than good.
When the idea of failing, falling behind, or being wrong feels threatening to your intelligence or ability, it can result in playing small, underperforming, and self-sabotaging, regardless of how much you care about your goals.
If you want to shift out of a fixed mindset and get off of the proverbial roller coaster of fear and anxiety, you're going to have to develop a growth mindset. The underlying belief of a growth mindset is that failure and challenge can help improve your abilities, intelligence, and creativity. When we adopt a growth mindset, we thrive when trying new things and stretching outside our comfort zones because we know we're improving.
So how do we leave a fixed mindset behind and embrace a growth mindset so we can move towards success? I'm going to share a couple suggestions below…
1. Change your definitions of success and failing.
In a growth mindset, we're no longer striving to "prove" ourselves. We focus on the effort more than the outcomes. This one can be tough for the ego, but if you want to grow, you have to learn how to embrace failure. There's absolutely no path to success that doesn't include failure. So instead of looking at success and failure as two separate outcomes, we have to begin to recognize that they have a symbiotic relationship.
Begin to define success as getting out of your comfort zone regularly, or showing up fully even when it was hard and your fear is loud. If you do those things, then you've won! Here's your trophy. A better definition of failure looks like only doing things that you feel totally qualified and capable of doing. This discomfort is now a means to stretch and grow beyond your current abilities.
2. Get in the habit of trying new things that are low risk.
This is one of my favorite action items to give clients for a myriad of reasons, but one in particular is that it helps us develop a growth mindset in a way that doesn't feel overwhelming. Find something completely new to learn that interests or even intimidates you, and commit to stick with it for a period of time, even though you will not be good at it at first. Pay attention to the thoughts and feelings that come up, and if any of them are rooted in a fixed mindset, change it to one that supports growth. This is a great way to actively work on shifting your beliefs, and you'll be surprised at how this begins to impact your work and life.
I love this quote from Stanford psychologist, Carol Dwek, in her book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success:
“Why waste time proving over and over how great you are, when you could be getting better? Why hide deficiencies instead of overcoming them? Why look for friends or partners who will just shore up your self-esteem instead of ones who will also challenge you to grow? And why seek out the tried and true, instead of experiences that will stretch you? The passion for stretching yourself and sticking to it, even (or especially) when it’s not going well, is the hallmark of the growth mindset. This is the mindset that allows people to thrive during some of the most challenging times in their lives.”
She also says this:
"Do people with this mindset believe that anyone can be anything, that anyone with proper motivation or education can become Einstein or Beethoven? No, but they believe that a person’s true potential is unknown (and unknowable); that it’s impossible to foresee what can be accomplished with years of passion, toil, and training."
Imagine what surprising and incredible things you could accomplish with years of effort and growth… I'm so excited to see where that takes you!
3 QUESTIONS TO JOURNAL ON:
If you didn't feel the need to prove yourself anymore what's something you would try? What challenge would you take on?
Think about a past failure and reframe it. What did that teach you? How did it help you grow? Is there still something you can learn from it?
What are 3 ways you can embrace a growth mindset this week? Commit to that and celebrate your effort!
INTERESTED IN WORKING TOGETHER?
If you're ready to take your life and business to the next level, without stress and burnout, it's time for you to seriously prioritize your mindset. Let's work together on that! Click the link below and apply for a call where you and I can talk through all the details to see if it would be a good fit. I'm so excited to see the growth that's ahead of you!