How to Manage Your Energy as an Entrepreneur using the 3 Emotional Regulation Systems
A few years ago, I was training for my first (and last) full marathon with a group of other runners. During one of our long Saturday morning runs, I found myself talking with an experienced runner. He was telling me about the lessons he’d learned in his past marathons and encouraging me as we kept putting one foot in front of the other.
I specifically remembered one piece of helpful advice: “Don’t be afraid to walk up or down the hills in order to conserve your energy. Unless you’re planning on winning this (I was not) it’ll be a complete waste to push yourself. The most important thing is crossing the finish line.”
In a culture that glorifies the 24/7 grind, it can be challenging to remind ourselves that it’s okay to rest and “walk” when we need to, especially when your success is entirely up to you.
I think back to that advice anytime I feel the need to rest, yet my ego tells me I should push myself harder. Especially in the realm of entrepreneurship, where I’m on nobody else's timeline but my own.
Have you ever been in the middle of a wild season in business and wondered, “How in the world am I going to keep this pace without burning out…”?
Maybe you just finished a really hectic launch or have been juggling a milllllion different things at once. You know resting is important, but it doesn’t quite seem to be doing the trick for energy and enjoyment rejuvenation.
Or maybe you’re already feeling the burn and are worried that resting will absolutely tank any and all progress you’ve worked so hard to make over the past few years. You love what you do (or at least you did) and have no idea how to navigate a lack of motivation or energy to continue moving at the pace you have been. (Don’t worry, it’s unlikely you’ve lost your love and passion for your work).
What I’ve found most helpful for clients, and myself, is a strategy I’ve had a lot of conversations about lately: Working Intuitively.
This means paying attention to your energy, needs, and long-term desires, then aligning how you work with those things. In order to do this, we want to create a solid balance of our 3 Emotional Regulation Systems. According to clinical psychologist and the founder of compassion focused therapy, Dr. Paul Gilbert, we each have 3 systems we operate out of on a regular basis: Threat, Drive, and Soothe.
These are designed to give us moment-to-moment (often unconscious) feedback depending on our situation and environment so we can quickly determine the best way to take action. Let’s dive into each system a bit more:
1. Threat: fear, anger, anxiety, self-criticism, overwhelm, etc.
Our threat system is our dominant system and is hardwired into our makeup to help keep us alive. This is why we're naturally more drawn to negative information. The threat system uses quick bursts of cortisol and adrenaline to motivate us to take action in a life-threatening situation. Hopefully, you’re not in those types of situations often, especially in regards to your work. Unfortunately, this system doesn't come in handy when we're navigating emotions or memories that are painful, or when we deal with anxieties about the future. So if you’re in a constant state of threat or use negative emotions and thoughts to “motivate” yourself to work harder, it’s going to take a major toll on you. Another important note is your Threat System is greatly affected by your attachment style
2. Drive: pursing, striving, achievement, etc.
This motivational system drives us towards acquiring things we want, and rewards us with that wonderful chemical dopamine and positive emotions. A healthy and intentional drive system can add a lot to our lives, motivating us to pursue goals and dreams for the joy of it. This is why setting goals and dreaming about the future can feel invigorating. The Drive system is all about anticipating positive emotions and pleasure. On the darker side of an unchecked Drive system, which is commonly seen in capitalistic societies, you can actually increase chances of experiencing depression, exhaustion, fatigue, and loss of drive.
3. Soothe: safe, calm, content, cared-for, nurtured, etc.
Our soothing system is also hardwired into our makeup, but unfortunately, it's often the most misunderstood and underused one. When we're in soothe, we’re all about being rather than doing. In this state, our Threat and Drive systems are deactivated and our parasympathetic nervous system is activated. Here, we can tap into our feel good chemicals like oxytocin, endorphins, and opiates. In order to down regulate and counteract some of the toxicity that can derive from the Threat and Drive systems, we need to cultivate a healthy soothe system. We can do this through a variety of mindfulness practices. When we're in a soothe system, we're better able to connect with others, be present and creative, and experience a sense of peace. It also allows us to better handle times of disappointment with a growth mindset.
So what does this have to do with managing your energy? Well, for most of us, our Threat and Drive systems are already really strong. We have no problem thinking about our future goals or responding to our immediate fears. Just think about the last time you launched something. What emotions came up for you? Were you stressed? Fearful? Anxious? Exhausted? If so, there’s a good chance you were operating out of your Threat and Drive systems.
In fact, many often have a Threat-Based Drive system. Meaning, they’re chasing goals in order to avoid the threats. This might look like being terrified of failure, and often results in using a harsh inner voice to “motivate” yourself to work harder.
What’s typically underdeveloped is a healthy soothe system. When it comes to maintaining energy for the long-haul, you’re going to need a really strong soothe system AND you’ll need to be able to recognize when to utilize it.
Typically when we’re more forward facing - whether that be on social media or at an in-person event - it does require more of our energy. And if you’re someone who recharges their internal battery with alone time (It’s me. Hi. 👋), this will feel drain you over time if you’re not intentional with recharging your energy.
When you have a strong Soothe regulation system, you'll find you can spend that energy in a way that will leave you feeling excited and fulfilled rather than completely drained.
Many of us have adapted unhealthy Soothe systems, better known as escapism. This can take the form of food, alcohol, scrolling on social media, binging food and shows, etc. An unhealthy Soothe system involves habits or behaviors that are short term relief, helping us avoid the feelings of overwhelm, fear, and anxiety that end up leading to long term dissatisfaction. We need to cultivate a Soothe system that helps us down regulate, not make things worse.
Instead of relying unconsciously on those unhelpful patterns, we want to develop a healthy Soothe system so we can actually prevent burnout and meet our important needs. Then, we can continually show up fully in our businesses for years to come.
This is why I recommend that my clients intentionally implement soothe activities on a very regular basis. Especially DURING launches, retreats, and events.
This might look like meditation, walks, being outside in nature, eating nourishing meals, staying hydrated, getting plenty of sleep, engaging in joyful play, breath work, etc. I highly recommend prioritizing activities like these into your list of daily or weekly non-negotiables.
These are typically habits that we know are good for us, however they usually are the first to be put on the back burner when our Threat or Drive systems are overactive. As simple as those soothing activities might be, they are critical if you want to maintain a healthy drive system.
Work intuitively by recognizing what you’re feeling, which regulation system you’re operating from, and making sure you’re meeting your needs and caring for yourself as you go.
Take some time this week and assess your current 3 emotional regulation systems to see how strengthening one of them can benefit you long term. How can you strengthen a healthy Soothe System this week so you can show up fully for your most important goals in life?
INTERESTED IN WORKING TOGETHER?
If you're ready to take your life and business to the next level, without stress and burnout, it's time for you to seriously prioritize your mindset. Let's work together on that! Click the link below and apply for a call where you and I can talk through all the details to see if it would be a good fit. I'm so excited to see the growth that's ahead of you!