How to Build Self-Trust

Mar 22

I was mid-sentence when my husband, Eric, looked at me and said, "You think too much."

He was right. I was in the middle of making some pretty big decisions, and although my gut was telling me one thing my conscious mind was rationalizing another.

I was talking through that tension. Again. And thankfully he loves me enough to call me out.

Sometimes there's quite a difference between our conscious thoughts and our intuition. And that can be hard when it comes to making decisions.

Which is one reason why learning how to build self-trust is so important.

Imagine you’re facing a huge decision…

Whether or not to leave your job.
Whether or not to invest in something.
Whether or not to get another degree or certification.
Whether or not you should stay with your current partner.

Would you feel totally confident about making the best choice for yourself and your future? How in the world would you make the best choice when you don’t exactly know what the outcomes will be?

When it comes to living our life with purpose and integrity, self-trust is a necessary ingredient. We’ve all got amazing gut intuition (they call our gut our second brain because of how many neurons it contains), but we aren’t always amazing at tuning into it.

We often KNOW what it is we need to do, it's just a matter of listening. Overthinking, regret, and shame about past choices are all signs that we're not listening to our inner wisdom, and need to work on our self-trust.

Self-Trust is the reliance on your integrity, strength, and ability. It’s the confidence that you’ll be able to handle life and make choices that are in your best interest.

It is NOT perfection. It’s not always making the right decision. You can have amazing levels of self-trust without a perfect track record.

We live in a world where there are a lot of opinions expressed about who we “should” be and what we “should” do. It’s hard sometimes to tune out the outer noise and listen to our inner wisdom, but if we hope to live a life full of authenticity, and pursue things that really light us up, and make the contribution that only we can make, having high levels of self-trust is absolutely necessary.

Here are 5 ways you can build your levels of self-trust so you can feel clarity around your biggest decisions, peace of mind in your life’s transitions, and confidence in your ability to navigate life in a way that’s authentic to you:

Practice Self-Compassion

“How do I get self-trust back when I’ve made the wrong choices before?”

Here’s the thing - we’re going to misfire every now and then. We’re human. I’m a big believer that there’s often a lot more grey area (ethical issues aside) when it comes to our choices in life. I also believe that good can come out of any situation - it just might be a while before you see it.

So if you’ve made choices in the past that you felt certain they were the right ones and it didn’t work out like you expected, know that you may just be in the middle of that story.

Show yourself some compassion by speaking to yourself like you would a best friend.

Imagine that someone you care deeply about made that exact same decision. What would you say to her? How would you encourage her? Say those things to yourself and trust that you made the best decision with the information you had at the time.

Then, think about what you learned from that experience. How did you grow from it? What new wisdom do you now have in your back pocket?

Life is all about learning and growing and even our wrong choices can be major teachers if we lean into the regret and take the lessons it offers us.

Get to Know Your Inner Critic

The inner critic is that voice inside your head that loves to remind you of your fears, flaws, and past mistakes. But before you think, “I hate that voice how do I get rid of it…” it’s important to understand it’s purpose.

Your inner critic is trying to protect you at all costs. It wants to keep you safe so it has an important job. It also likes keeping you in your comfort zone, which is where it can be harmful in the long run. This is why they say “the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t.” I’m pretty sure your inner critic said that.

Since your inner critic isn’t going anywhere it’s best to learn how to make friends with her. Notice when doubting and negative thoughts come up and try to understand what the fear is exactly and where it’s rooted. What are you really afraid of and when was the first time you remember having that fear? Your inner critic has a place, but it’s certainly not in the driver’s seat.

Hear out the concerns of your IC and then reassure her that you’ve got this and you’re capable and move to step 3.

Practice Being Present

Being present is the answer to many things and building self trust is no different. It’s impossible to tune into our gut when our conscious mind is in the past or the future. Mindfulness is an amazing tool when it comes to building self-trust and I recommend intentionally practicing it every day.

Start by breathing. Take a deep breath in, hold it for a couple of seconds, and then breathe all the air out. Do that 10 times and bring your awareness to your body in that moment. What do you feel physically? Emotionally? Mentally? If thoughts come in, just notice them and let them go and return back to your breath.

Then, bring up a time when you made a really great decision. Go through the details of how you made that choice and see what you feel in your body as you envision that. What do you feel? Where do you feel it? Describe in detail that feeling and then lock it in. Get so familiar with that feeling that when you’re faced with a tough decision, you can tune in to your intuition easily and have confidence that you’re making the best choice you can.

Keep Small Promises to Yourself

Our subconscious mind is a big player here. Our subconscious is like a computer that stores all of our previous experiences, memories, skills, and our beliefs. Everything we’ve done, seen, and thought is held in our subconscious.

Your subconscious mind is also a guidance system making what you do and say fit a pattern consistent with what you believe about yourself. So when you you keep saying, “I’m going to wake up 30 minutes earlier and go for a walk” but keep hitting snooze, it’s building a belief that you’re not the type of person who keeps their word in order to maintain consistency.

It’s incredibly important for you to keep your promises to yourself. Starting small is the best way to begin building self-trust. You want to set yourself up for easy wins so you can build upon them. So think about a few things you can do for yourself this week that will be in your best interest. Schedule them and when you complete them mentally congratulate yourself. Keep building upon those promises and it’ll become a snowball effect helping you step into the most authentic version of yourself.

Celebrate Your Wins Each Week

Imagine you’ve been working hard and producing amazing results at a job where your boss never acknowledges your efforts. No matter how incredible you did nothing was ever said unless you made a mistake. How motivated do you think you’d be to continue working for that person? Probably not very motivated or fulfilled for that matter. Don’t be a horrible boss.

We need to make celebrating a part of our weekly regimens. When we take time to acknowledge our successes - small and large - it helps us build more self-trust, and also maintain levels of motivation to keep going.

Success breeds success here so make a list of your wins/what went well this past week and come up with some fun and simple ways you can celebrate yourself.

Then, keep building on those wins each week and before you know it you’ll have massive levels of self-trust and you’ll have accomplished some pretty big goals as a result.