3 Tips for Effective Affirmations

A few weeks ago, I read a parable that stopped me in my tracks:

"A man found an eagle's egg and put it in a nest of a backyard hen. The eaglet hatched with the brood of chickens and grew up with them.

All his life the eagle did what the backyard chicks did, thinking he was a backyard chicken. He scratched the earth for worms and insects. He clucked and cackled. And he would thrash his wings and fly a few feet into the air.

Years passed and the eagle grew very old. One day he saw a magnificent bird above him in the cloudless sky. It glided in graceful majesty among the powerful wind currents, with scarcely a beat of its strong golden wings.

The old eagle looked up in awe. "Who's that?" he asked.

"That's the eagle, the king of the birds," said his neighbor. "He belongs to the sky. We belong to the earth—we're chickens."

So the eagle lived and died a chicken, for that's what he thought he was."

-From Song of the Bird by Anthony De Mello

Who you believe you are has a massive impact on the life you live.

So this begs the question, “Who are you really?” Or maybe I should ask, “Who do you want to be?”

So often when we think about the goals or dreams we want to accomplish in our lives, we talk about what we need to do. How we need to take action. The strategies we need to implement in order to get there.

How we need to make changes.

Many times, we look outside of ourselves for those answers. We hire business coaches and consultants, purchase courses, read books in search of the answer to get us from point A to B.

Which is great! As long as we don’t miss one of the most important ingredients to accomplishing our goals - who we’re becoming.

When I think about accomplishing my dreams and biggest goals, what drives me the most is who I believe I’ll be once I’ve accomplished them.

Our identity - who we believe we are and what we believe we’re capable of - is a major part of our subconscious programming. Our subconscious is responsible for 95% of our daily actions. Which means it’s also responsible for 95% of our outcomes.

If you try to change from the outside in, you’ll be swimming upstream against years of programming that likely doesn’t support your long-term interests. We have to become before we can accomplish.

That may sound like a tall order, and the process certainly isn’t all rainbows and butterflies, but thanks to neuroplasticity - our brain’s ability to change and grow - it’s absolutely possible to step into the identity you crave so you can bring your dreams to life.

How do we do that? The method I (and my clients) use to step into my full self, is called tThe JAVA Method. It includes 4 steps: Journaling, Affirming, Visualizing, and Action. All 4 of these are crucial in the reprogramming process. Today, we’re diving into the second step. Let’s walk through how to find and use effective affirmations that will actually resonate with you.

1. Start Where You Are

First, we want to get a clear picture of who we believe we are right now. One of the best ways to discover our current programmed identity is by becoming consciously aware of our self-talk. Our words are incredibly powerful.

Years ago when I began doing this work, I remember the smallest mistake would set me off. From a typo in one of my blog posts, to forgetting my wallet at the grocery store, I would absolutely berate myself for any mistake.

And while mistakes aren’t fun, I didn’t deserve the heat I was spewing.

Pay attention to what you say to and about yourself. When you’re alone, when you’re with other people, and in all kinds of circumstances. Take inventory. I started to write down all the harsh things I said to and about myself throughout the day. Then, next to the critical statements, I’d write what I wanted/needed instead. As uncomfortable as it was, it gave me a solid place to begin reprogramming.

2. Decide Who You Want to Be

Once we have an idea of where we are, then we begin to explore with curious compassion. I used to think that if I was really hard on myself, I’d improve. I quickly found out the opposite was true. I was creating a self-fulfilling prophecy, and stayed stuck and frustrated for longer than I care to admit. Often, our critical voice isn’t even ours. It’s inherited. Ask yourself questions like:

Where did this voice come from? Is it mine or someone else’s? If I were talking to my 7-year-old self, what would I say? What tone would I use?

Then, write down some things you need to hear. This is one of the best ways to find out what affirmations will actually hit home for you. And that can tell you so much about which stories you need to reprogram in order to really step into the identity you desire.

Speaking your new empowering statements out loud (in a present tense and commanding tone) is a great way to show yourself love and compassion. There's a lot of power in speaking things out loud. Not only does it communicate our intentions and desires clearly, but it also connects with our intrinsic desire to maintain our integrity and keep our word. 

Auditory information is stored in the short-term memory. This engages your Reticular Activating System, which your mind uses to filter out any information that doesn’t align with what you believe or who you are at that time. The more consistently you can practice this, the more it will help you step into your full identity and stay focused on your most important goals and beliefs.

It can also be helpful to record yourself speaking your vision and affirmations out loud and listening to that each day for extra reinforcement. 

If you find that your affirmations feel totally false, that's your mind's critical factory doing it's job by searching for proof of that belief in your subconscious. I remember when I was first doing this, I felt so ridiculous. At the time, it was because I didn’t fully believe them. But I kept going. I reprogrammed the beliefs and identity that didn’t align, and now I can say that those old affirmations feel true to who I am.

So give it time and trust the process.

3. Rinse & Repeat Often

The most important elements to actually embodying the change are consistency and repetition.

It took years, all kinds of experiences, and a ton of development for you to create your current identity. It’s going to take time and intentionality to step into a new one. Just like strengthening a muscle, you have to get consistent reps in if you want to see a change.

This work is less about becoming and more about unbecoming. It’s about getting back to the essence of who you were originally created to be, and letting go of who the world tried to make you. You get to decide who you are and how you want to live your life. Take these mindset exercises seriously by prioritizing them at least 4 days out of the week. The best part about affirmations is you can say them anytime, anywhere. Say them to yourself as you get ready in the morning, while you’re driving in the car, or anytime you feel the desire for encouragement. One day, you’ll find that those encouraging statements are your natural response. What an amazing feeling that will be!.

Now, when I make a mistake, my automatic reply sounds much more like an encouraging friend than a harsh critic. It’s freeing and actually allows me to get up quickly and take action.

You are already enough as you are right now. You have everything you need to succeed. It’s time for you to step into the version of you who accomplishes your goals. Now, go tell yourself who you really are.

If you’re ready to really own your identity, sign up here for the FREE 21-Day Highest Self Guided Journal. This is a great way to begin stepping into who you really want to embody.